bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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