five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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