dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
