He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Everyone says I win the strip club
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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