I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
