i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
