okay pat passed out under dana's car
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Randomize
