I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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