It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize