after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
