Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
