I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
