Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
