and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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