Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
