Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
