I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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