Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize