Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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