Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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