He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
