i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
