last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
