Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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