Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
