I wish you could order shots online.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
