they need to just BURY HIM!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
