does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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