He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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