went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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