K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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