Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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