I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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