You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize