I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
