Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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