My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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