I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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