Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
