if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
