Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
