im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
