he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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