so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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