no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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