You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
3 2 1 whiskey
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
