Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it's like iHOP with fire
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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