3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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