My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
