did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
