Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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