i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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