He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize