i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
