Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
