u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
