Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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