I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
