my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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