ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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