i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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