D3 body, D1 cock
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
