last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
