somebody snuck up and got me drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
