the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
