So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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