I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize