brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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