MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
