First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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