I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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