You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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